I've always been an honest person, and I think being able to live in community with others requires vulnerability, even when it hurts. Even when it's raw and emotional.
So here goes.
For those of you who may have missed it, today is Valentine's Day. (surprise!)
For many this day is filled with loving gestures, chocolate hearts and romantic dinners. For some of you this may even be the night you receive a diamond ring, and promise your undying love forever. It can be a very lovely day indeed.
But for others, this day may be hard. For some, this day serves as a reminder that their love has not yet come. And for others this day may serve as a reminder of the love that was lost, or taken, or destroyed. In this case, a day completely dedicated to love, may seem crushing.
Whatever side you're coming from, it can't be denied that this day holds a lot of emotion for people, and tugs at the heart in both good & difficult ways.
And where do I fit in, you ask?
I'm somewhere in the middle, I suppose.
I'm surrounded by loving family & friends. There has never been a day in my 26 years when I wondered if I was loved, that was never a question for me. I was taught young that the love of my parents was unconditional, and that I will always belong.
I was also taught about God's love as a little girl, about His ultimate gift of love for me, and His sacrifice. I know the love of my Heavenly Father, and that's a relationship that will never be broken.
No, my life has never lacked love.
But if I'm honest, there is also part of me that longs for more. There is a part of my heart that's a little on the broken side, wondering, like some of you, if my love ever really will come along.
There's a song out on the radio by Mikeschair called, "Someone Worth Dying For", and I heard it the other day & really identified with one of the lyrics: "...Maybe you're the girl thinking you'll end up alone. Praying: 'God can you hear me? Oh, God are you listening?'..."
I identified with this so much, because, deep down, that is my fear. No one wants to be alone. For those of you who know me well, you know I'm a people person, and the thought of being alone is scary for me. I've given this fear to God in the past, and it's something that I have to choose to do on a daily basis.
Especially working in the Wedding Field (which I adore, by the way), surrounding myself with Brides, Engagement sessions, Bridal shows & couples in love. I'm constantly emerged in relationships, and so I must take care of my heart.
To do that, I pray a lot. I read God's promises to me, and I remember His faithfulness to me in the past. I call my girlfriends and cry with them, and ask them to pray for me as well. Because, like I said earlier, I was taught about God's love a long time ago, and even when my heart is broken, I still trust that He has a plan for me, and has a purpose for this stage in my life, for this time of singleness. I never give up hope in His plan, even on the hardest days. I may not have chosen this path, but I know He is still leading me, and will one day, bring me my hearts desire.
I also choose to rejoice and celebrate the love around me. There are fewer things I enjoy more than helping others and seeing them happy. And right now, that is what I focus on doing. Through my work & photography & just the way I live my life, I try to rejoice with others and build them up. Perhaps for now, this is my purpose.
You may be wondering why I chose to post this, why I'd want to air all my dirt online...and here's why: I'm convinced that I'm here for a reason, and that reason may be to help just one person, and if someone else can identify with my story, than I'm going to tell it, because no one wants to feel alone.
So if you're someone tonight who's heart is on the lonely side, chin up. I am convinced that now is not forever, and there is still much to rejoice about! And if you're someone who is head-over-heels in love, rejoice in that, and be thankful! I wish you well!
And to all of my family, friends, and clients, thank you for the love you fill my life with every day, I am blessed to have you! I pray that all of you, whatever path you may be on, feel love tonight.
Happy Valentine's Day, from my heart, to yours.
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